Cabten Haridi - Egypt Air

Zis is your cabten Haridi welcoming both seated and standing
Bassengers on board of Egybt Air.

We abologize for za four days delay in taking off, it was due to
Bad weazer and some overtime I had to but in at za bakery baking Ka'ak.

Zis is flight 717 to Alexandria Airbort. Landing zere is not Guaranteed,
But we will end ub somewhere in Egybt. And, if luck is
In our favor, we may even be landing on your village !

Egybt Air has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety
Standards are so high, zat even terrorists are afraid to fly wiz us!

It is wiz bleasure; I announce zat, starting zis year, over 30%
Of our bassengers have reached zeir destination.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on bassenger request, we
Can arrange to turn zem off in order to make sure you are feeling Comfortable!

We regret to inform you, zat today's in-flight movie will not be
Shown as we forgot to record it from za television. However, for our
Movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Somalia Airlines, where
Zere movie will be visible from za right side of za cabin window.

Zere is no smoking allowed in zis airblane. Any smoke you see in
Za cabin is only za early warning system on za engines telling us to Slow down!

In order to catch imbortant landmarks, we try to fly as close as
Bossible for za best view. If however, we go a little too close, do Let us know.
Our enzusiastic co-bilot sometimes flies right srough Za landmark!

Kindly be seated, keeb your seat in an ubright bosition for
Take-off and fasten your seat-belt.

For zose of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your
Own belt to za arm of your seat .. And, for zose of you who can't
Find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch wiz za stewardess who
Will exblain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.

Sanking you all for choosing Egybt Air to fly for z first and Last time,

I Wish you a nice flight wiz Egybt Air,

Regards from ..
Cabten Haridi

How to Save your JOB!!?

قصيدة الرئيس حسني مبارك - هدية إلى شعب مصر

ياشعبي ياحبيبي ياروحي يابيبي - ياحاطك في جيبي يابن الحلال

ياشعبي ياشاطر ياجابر خواطر - ياساكن مقابر وصابر وعال

ياواكل سمومك يابايع هدومك - ياحامل همومك وشايل جبال

ياشعبي اللي نايم وسارح وهايم - وفي الفقر عايم وحاله ده حال

أحبك محشش مفرفش مطنش - ودايخ مدروخ وآخر انسطال

أحبك مكبر دماغك مخدر - ممشي أمورك كده باتكال

وأحب اللي ينصب وأحب اللي يكذب - وأحب اللي ينهب ويسرق تلال

وأحب اللي شايف وعارف وخايف - وبالع لسانه وكاتم ما قال

وأحب اللي قافل عيونه المغفل - وأحب البهايم وأحب البغال

وأحب اللي راضي وأحب اللي فاضي - وأحب اللي عايز يربي العيال

وأحب اللي يائس وأحب اللي بائس - وأحب اللي محبط وشايف محال

وأحبك تسافر وتبعد تهاجر - وتبعت فلوسك دولار أو ريال

وأحبك تطبل تهلل تهبل - عشان ماتش كوره وفيلم ومقال

وأحبك تأيد تعضض تمجد - توافق تنافق وتلحس نعال

تحضر نشادر تجمع كوادر - تلمع تقمع تظبط مجال

لكن لو تفكر تخطط تقرر - وتشغلي مخك وتفتح جدال

وتبدأ تشاكل وتعمل مشاكل - وتنكش مسائل وتسأل سؤال

وعايز تنور وعايز تطور - وتعملي روحك مفرد رجال

ساعتها حجيبك لا يمكن أسيبك - وراح تبقى عبره وتصبح مثال

حبهدل جنابك وأذل اللي جابك - وحيكون عذابك ده فوق الاحتمال

وأمرمط سعادتك وأهزأ سيادتك - وأخلي كرامتك في حالة هزال

وتلبس قضية وتصبح رزيه - وباقي حياتك تعيش في انعزال

هتقبل هحبك ، هترفض هلبك ، هتطلع هتنزل هجيبلك جماااااااال

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

Blue - Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word feat. Elton John

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

What I got to do to make you love me?
What I got to do to make you care?
What do I do when lightning strikes me?
And I wake to find that you're not there?

What I got to do to make you want me?
What I got to do to be heard?
What do I say when its all over? (babe)
Sorry seems to be the hardest word

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's so sad so sad
Why can't we talk it over?
Oh it seems to me
Sorry seems to be the hardest word

What I do to make you want me?
What I got to do to be heard?
What do I say when it's all over?
Sorry seems to be the hardest word

(Elton John)
It's sad, so sad
It's a sad sad situation
And it's gotten more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over?
Oh it seems to me
Sorry seems to be the hardest word

Yeh.....sorry
Nah.......
Sorry

What do I do to make you love me?
What I got to do to be heard?
What do I do when lightning strikes me?
Yeah.....What do I got to do?
What do I got to do?
When sorry seems to be the hardest word

What Happens If You Say FUCK YOU To The President?!!

What Happens If You Say FUCK YOU To The President?!!

U.S.A.
Nothing happens, you become famous, they make you write a book and you make millions of dollars.
But meanwhile the President sues you and gets all the money you have.

ENGLAND
The Prime minister says "fuck you too"...

FRANCE
Millions of people supports you and says "fuck you" to the president.
Meanwhile the president of France writes poems because of his sadness.

JAPAN
The Prime minister says "I'm sorry; I'm not interested in your body."

GERMANY
The police come and say "Please don't fuck the president".

SWEDEN
People vote if they accept you to fuck the Prime minister or not.
If the answer is yes you fuck the Prime minister.
If the answer is no, the Prime minister shakes your hand.

TURKEY
The president takes his gun and shoots you.
He goes to jail for 8 years or escapes the country and Greece welcomes him as a political refugee.

ITALY
You get price quotes from the mafia for realizing your passion.

RUSSIA
The president kisses you on your mouth.

SAUDI ARABIA
You say, "Fuck you" to the president... But, there is no president, so you feel foolish. But if you say "fuck you" to the king, these are your Last words because the king cuts your tongue...

EGYPT
You say "Fuck you" to the president?!!
You are too late my friend;
you've already been "Fucked" by the president!!!

Goodbye my lover

Goodbye my lover.
James Blunt

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.